It’s officially hot outside.

I’m going to try to get better about blogging more regularly this summer. So we’ll see how long that lasts.

This week I’ve been going to vacation bible school with Blythe. Blythe’s my summer love. She’s 7 and this is my 3rd summer to take care of her. For those of you who haven’t heard me talk about her, I’ll fill ya in. Blythe was born with a condition called Rett Syndrome. It’s a genetic disorder found in only girls. Pretty much Rett girls develop normally for 18-24 months, they start walking, talking, feeding themselves, etc. Then they gradually start to lose their functioning. Blythe, praise Jesus, can still walk. But as with all Rett syndrome girls, she can’t talk or use her hands, essentially she has no way to communicate or do anything for herself. It’s not 100% certain how Rett girls develop cognitively but they believe that they develop similarly to any child their age. So Blythe, is pretty much a lovely 7 year old girl, trapped in a body that won’t do what she wants it to. Fortunately, technology is such that Blythe is learning how to talk using a computer, so cool. She is constantly cracking us up with the things she’ll say at just the right moment. My favorite is when her family(she has a 6 year old sister and 4 year old brother) is being kind of ridiculous, she’ll sometimes go to this one page and say “this is my family.” haha.

Okay so back to VBS. So we’ve been at VBS this week, which she’s really enjoyed, it’s been a little challenging for me. The other little girls in her group don’t really pay attention to her, and any attention she does get is generally staring or asking me questions like, “why does she drink out of a baby cup?” (well God made Blythe so that her hands won’t do what she wants them to, so normal cups are too hard for her to drink out of) “why does she scream all the time?” (Well God made Blythe so her brain won’t let her talk, so she screams to express herself) “what is that thing on her arm?” (Well Blythe chews on her hand sometimes, and she has a cut right now so that keeps her arm straight so she won’t chew on it) Which I always have to follow by, “But Blythe understands what you’re saying to her if you talk to her.” How do you explain all that to a 7 year old,  that this is how Jesus made her, and we need to accept her and love her just like we do anyone else? I had a hard enough time getting used to it, and getting to that point and I’m 20!  Blythe doesn’t seem to mind that most of the girls pretend like she’s not there, but I do. Yesterday though, we were at game time, running around, playing “plagues” which is pretty much “man, gun, gorilla” or “rock paper scissors”. Blythe and I were running around looking for someone to pair up with, but everyone just steered away , so when it came time to play I just turned her back to back with me and we played. The next round we were running around and I was fully prepared to be her partner every round. But a precious little freckled face girl came running over with a big smile on her face and got back to back with Blythe. It made me smile so big. I told Blythe what we were gonna be and when we turned around, we tied. Her name was Riley, she said she knew Blythe and they were in a class together. She sat next to Blythe after we finished playing and all during games today she hula-hooped with Blythe and talked to her. She helped Blythe put her hula hoop back, and told her that she liked her glasses. And later when she saw us in the hallway, she ran up giggling and said “Look Blythe, I lost my name tag!” It made me want to cry. 7 year old freckled face Riley, got it. She talked to Blythe like she was there, and really knew how to be her friend. I don’t know if Blythe took too much notice, but I sensed the love of Christ in Riley. She loved Blythe so well, and no one even asked her to, she did it on her own, and was so joyful about it. I know that wasn’t me at 7. I am so quick to judge, and if I’m honest probably slow to love, especially those that are hard to love, hard to understand, or just “different”. A little girl named Riley demonstrated the love that Christ calls us to have for others, she has definitely impacted me and challenged me to love others differently. I guess we should never underestimate what the Lord will teach us. VBS is certainly teaching me more than I thought it would.

 

Blythe in her Croc hat that covered up her face.

 

All tuckered out

Trial vs. Triumph

Bear with me, this is long. I apologize for the jumbled mess of my words as I try to type out what I’m thinking, feeling and experiencing.

I was reading through Matthew and came across this verse(Jesus is speaking to His disciples):

“One day after they had returned to Galilee, Jesus told them, ‘The Son of man is going to be betrayed. He will be killed, but three days later He will be raised from the dead.’ And the disciples hearts were filled with grief.” (Matthew 17:22-23)

My first thought was set on the last bit of what Jesus had said “He will be raised from the dead.” and I found myself confused. How could the disciples be “filled with grief”? Jesus just told them that He would die BUT that He was going to rise from the dead, I mean that sounds like pretty awesome news to me. As I re-read it, the Lord struck me with the perspective and focus of the disciples thoughts. They were not looking at the last part of His message, but the first. They saw the devastation, injustice and hopelessness of Jesus’ betrayal and death. When those first words were spoken, I feel like the disciples became so focused on the trial or tragedy, that they failed to acknowledge the triumph to come in Christ’s resurrection. 

I quickly was convicted about how often my focus is also on the initial situation, words, or hardship. I believe we all tend to do this, we focus on the tragedy over the triumph. We see the Lord lead us into valleys of suffering, and all of the sudden we allow pain, anger, or disappointment to blur our vision of the second part of it all, His promises of hope, redemption, freedom, and joy.

I’m reading a book right now called “Hinds feet on high places” it’s an allegorical story written by Hannah Hurnard. It’s a beautiful story about a young girl, Much Afraid, who is on a journey to develop “hinds feet”  so she can reach “the high places”(habakkuk 3:19). There is a great shepherd(who represents Christ) and He has sent her on this journey, promising that if she would trust Him and listen to His commands she will one day develop hinds feet, and reach the high places. Her guides on this are named sorrow and suffering.  On her journey she has been climbing a steep mountain for days when all of the sudden she comes to the top of a mountain and sees a deep desert valley below. I’m going to quote a bit from the book because I feel like her initial response really mirrors my own(and probably quite a few of our’s) in the face of suffering or trials,

“She stopped dead and said to them, ‘We musn’t go down there. The shepherd has called me to the High Places. We must find some path which goes up, but certainly not down there.’ But they made signs to her that she was to follow them down the steep pathway to the desert below. 

Much Afraid looked to left and right, but though it seemed incredible, there was no way possible by which they could continue to climb upward. The hill they were on ended abruptly at this precipice, and the rocky cliffs towered above them in every direction straight as walls with no possible foothold.

‘I can’t go down there,’ panted Much Afraid, sick with shock and fear. ‘He can never mean that — never! He called me up to the High Places, and this is an absolute contradiction of all that He promised.’ “

Much Afraid’s response is so like my own. The Lord would never call me to go down there! He promises good things for me, this can’t be right! Much Afraid goes on to call the shepherd to her side and share her anguish and disbelief with him, to which he responds that that is the way she is to go, and “it is not contradiction of a promise, only a postponement for the best to become possible.”

The problem is not really the trial at all, it’s where my focus is. My focus tends to be on the trial, not the triumph. I forget that amidst it all(suffering, pain, anger, disappointment, grief), there should be incredible peace and joy. For Christ has already conquered the grave, cast our sins into the depths of the ocean, overcome the world and He continues to work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. He promises never to let us fall, to be our strength, to uphold us. The list could go on forever!

I pray that the Father would give me heavenly eyes and a heavenly heart to rejoice in suffering, for I already know the outcome. He is victorious. Thank you Jesus.

It all seems so elementary, but I can’t ever seem to be reminded enough.

kiss your feet

I dreamed I kissed your feet
Between the cigarette butts
On the side of fourteenth street
I got down on my hands and my knees
With an alabaster jar

I dreamed I’d bleed with your praises
Just to make the world
Smell like your grace again
I got down on my hands and my knees again

And I’m crawling on the floor
Just to find you now
To tell you how I feel I’m falling all over myself

Good morning brokeness
You know you’ve cut me to the bone
Like one of those days in the middle of the winter
The kind that you can’t run away from
And we’ve been here for so long
But I found a way to appease you
Inside this alabaster jar

And I’m crawling on the floor
Just to find you now
To tell you how I feel I’m falling all over myself

And all my afflictions
There only light ones anyway now

-Kiss your feet by John Mark McMillan

This song has really struck a cord in where I am lately.

http://www.imeem.com/people/yKiOf0f/music/lG5IkhT-/john-mark-mcmillan-kiss-your-feet/

Fear of the Lord.

²⁴ Declare his glory among the nations, 
       his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

 ²⁵ For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; 
       he is to be feared above all gods.

 ²⁶ For all the gods of the nations are idols, 
       but the LORD made the heavens.

1 Chronicles 16:24-26

Fear the Lord. Daily looking at all of creation, it seems as though it would come natural. I’m beginning to realize how lacking my life has been in following through on this command, that saturates the scriptures. My lack of fear is unjustifiable compared to the infinite power and glory of the one I’m here to serve, and the way He beautifully displays it with each second. I can only ask for His grace in helping me to be broken in humility at His feet. 

On our trip last week, watched a sermon on brokenness, which I feel is the proper response when one fully understands and acts in fear of the Lord. Our pastor handed out a list which compares characteristics of proud, unbroken people with those of broken people. The Lord has really challenged me with it, and has used it to help me evaluate the areas of my life devastatingly lacking of brokenness and humility. I was gonna type it up on here, that was gonna be slightly chaotic. But I was able to find the same list online,  I feel like it’s really worth prayerfully looking over:

“http://infusionchurchdallas.org/Documents/unbroken.vs.broken.pdf”  

 

Edinburg

I spent 6 days of my spring break in Edinburg, TX. The Lord’s on the move, and we were so blessed to be a part of it.

We saw at least 20 people come to know Jesus, and had many many more significant conversations about the Lord. Another team had gone the week before us, and we saw 4 of the college students they witnessed to get baptized while we were there. A guy that those 4 college students shared the gospel with, also got baptized. Those students went to karaoke club, days after becoming christians, shared the gospel and prayed for people. They saw 5 people come to Christ, and 2 people healed. What amazing faith, an incredible savior! 

I was able to help lead a 10 year old girl in a poor neighborhood to Jesus. I stumbled through a spanish tract with her, before I found out she spoke english, the Lord’s funny. She was so excited about her new faith, and it was so exciting to be a part of inviting a new sister into the kingdom.  

One day we went out, in groups, to eat lunch. We were instructed to share the gospel with one person while we were out. Our group of 5 headed to Wendy’s. We got our food, ate and talked and  waited until the last second to choose who we were gonna talk to. Carly noticed that no one was in line and suggested we go talk to the employee behind the counter. The first woman we talked to was pretty closed off when we asked her if there was anything we could pray for her about, but she called the manager over. Estella(the manager) was so receptive and jumped on our invitation for prayer requests immediately sharing with us very difficult things of her life. We told her we were also wanting to tell people about Jesus.  She said she would love to listen, and was really interested but was afraid she would get in trouble at work. We got her contact information, and gave her the church’s information. I was able to call her on a break, talk to her,  pray for her, and then pass her information along to someone at the church. She was so receptive to the gospel. It was so refreshing!! Praise the Lord! The fields are ripe for the harvest. Even in America. 

I am so blessed by the community the Lord’s given me, and how they challenge me in my faith. About a year ago, I realized that while I had been on countless mission trips, been in several dramas, served on leadership for my youth group, and been incredibly involved in church for years, yet,  I had never really shared the gospel with anyone. This truth really disturbed me. Thankfully, this year, the Lord has given me more opportunity than I’m comfortable with to step out in faith and tell people of His glorious name.  Thankfully, the more I step out, the more I realize it’s not me at all, I have no strength, no boldness, no words. This verse really encouraged me this week: 

⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. ¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10

Being allowed to be involved in His purposes, is so amazing. When Joseph was in prison and the baker and cup bearer approach him with their dreams. Joseph responds by saying this, “Interpreting dreams is God’s business. Go ahead and tell me your dreams” (Genesis 40:8) It really struck me to want to have that attitude about the Lord’s purposes. What’s His business, should be my business too.

Last week the Lord allowed me to be a part of His purposes in Edinburg. What an incredible blessing! May the Lord continue to open my eyes, and your’s to what He’s doing, here. now. In: the nations, the US, Texas, Belton, UMHB. He’s so worth, whatever the cost may be.

The Cross.

Today, I hurt my hand. I was getting dressed, and I threw my hand out real quick and wacked it on the corner of my open drawer. It hurt. I looked at it, it wasn’t bleeding hardly at all but I definitely got a little gash smack dab in the middle of my hand. Within seconds of hitting it, I started feeling incredibly nauseous and lightheaded, I wandered out of my closet to sit on the side of the bathtub. My body felt extremely hot, then I started sweating like crazy and my arms and legs felt really cold, and my breaths were more labored. Everything felt kinda slow motion. I was certain I was about to either throw up everywhere or pass out, or both, so I called my roommate in to the bathroom. After a few minutes of sitting and drinking some water I started to feel normal again, so I got back up and got ready for the day. My hand still hurts a little bit, but it’s mainly just an inconvenient place to get injured. I was really weirded out by how my body responded, so I asked my nursing professor. She said that it sounded like my body went into fight-or-flight mode as soon as I hit the nerve in my palm. Fight-or-flight, how wonderful that our bodies can respond to danger, but my goodness was it a miserable feeling. I felt awful. Don’t worry, there is a purpose to me telling you this story, I’ll get back to it.

The Lord has been teaching me alot about the depths of my pride and the definite need for humility. I’ve been reading this book called, Humility(go figure) by CJ Mahaney. Something in the section I read today really stuck out to me. He was talking about daily disciplines that help him walk out in humility. And he quoted John Stott as saying,  “Everytime we look at the cross Christ seems to be saying to us, ‘I am here because of you. It is your sin I am bearing, your curse I am suffering, your debt I am paying, your death I am dying.’ Nothing in history or in the universe cuts us down to size like the cross. All of us have inflated views of ourselves, especialy in self-righteousness, until we have visted a place called Calvary. It is there, at the foot of the cross, that we shrink to our true size.” This really caused me to think of the cross for what it actually was. The only man in history who knew no sin, and loved in a way we can hardly imagine, suffered one of the cruelest and most brutal deaths imaginable because of me. My mistakes. My disobedience. My pride. My unholiness. My unworthiness. As I thought on this and pondered the reality of His sacrifice I thought about the cut on my palm, right where a nail went into His. I thought of the misery of having my body respond to that nerve being hit this morning, and was overwhelmed with how much more violently it must have responded to a nail being driven through it. The torment and pain Christ suffered, so I may walk in the freedom I all too often toss aside for this world’s captivity, is really unimaginable. Tonight I am shrinking to my true size, at the foot of his rugged cross, and somehow He’s looks at me and says, “it was all worth it.”  Amazing.

Now

Just a few of the abundant new and exciting statistics:

Iran:

1980: 100 known believers

2009: 10 million known believers in a land where persecution is heavy.

Afghanistan:

There are as many people coming to Christ in 1 month, as they used to see in 10 years.

China:

Formerly one of the most closed and unreached people has become one of the world’s strongest, fastest growing church planting movements, and they meet predominantly underground.

India:

In an area once known as the “graveyard of missions” it had been 100 years since workers had seen anyone come to Christ, is just recently a church planting movement of 300,000 and growing.

 

If this doesn’t make you want to jump on a plane and get in on what God’s doing in the nations, you must be crazy.

“Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.” John 4:35

 ”When he saw the crowds, He had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then He said to his disciples, ”The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few;38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to“ send out laborers into his harvest.” Matthew 9:36-38

They’re hungry. He’s moving. Let’s go.

kingdom treasure

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”

Jim Elliot

no turning back.

I was reading an online commentary on Luke 9:62: “But Jesus told him, ‘Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”

This quote was stated  within the commentary and I thought it was something worth pondering:

“He who is unwilling to sacrifice everything for the cause of God is really willing to sacrifice nothing.”

2008.

2008. Words can hardly describe what the past year has been.

I have learned more, and grown more than I ever have in such a short period of time.  I have cried more tears, had more sleepless nights, felt more lonely, heartbroken,  and desperate than ever before. I have experienced a deeper level of community, spent more time on my knees, cried out to the Lord, trusted Him in a much deeper way than ever before. I’ve learned of His incredible sovereignty no matter what. He revealed to me how selfish, and prideful I can be, and how often I play the victim, the Lord humbled me. I discovered that for the most part my treasure was not in Heaven but here, and the Lord transformed my heart. I found out, that no one can fully satisfy me, but my Savior, Jesus. I felt more weak, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and found the sustaining beauty of His strength. I’ve had to learn what true integrity looks like. I’ve found that I can be more disciplined and accomplish more than I think I can. Every plan I’ve made has been thrown out the window, and instead of the chaos I imagined, God has given me overwhelming peace. I have no idea what tomorrow looks like, and I’m almost completely okay with that.  The Father gave me His heart for the nations, and the lost. I had never before been so broken by the idea that there were people living in bondage who had never heard that He’s already freed them. Heaven and hell became realities to me. I’ve experienced deep homesickness for heaven more than ever before. He taught me that anger is never justified. Grace is mandatory. How to love people that are so hard to love. I appreciate my parents in a new profound way.  I went to Africa to feel less called there than ever before, and learn more than I’ve ever learned in 5 1/2 weeks. I gained a heart for muslims and the middle east. Trashed alot of my worldly desires for heavenly ones, by His grace. I have been reminded that He always sees and always knows. I will never be disappointed in what His will is for my life. I have been more challenged to live as Christ, in everything, words, thoughts and actions, making much of my King no matter what is going on in my life. I finally understood bringing Him glory has to be my ultimate goal.  Jesus is the only one who will never disappoint me.

In 2008, I met Jesus in a way I never have. Without a doubt this year has been the hardest, most challenging, most painful and stretching year in my life. But I could easily say it’s probably been the sweetest, most beautiful time in my life. The Father refined me in a way I will never fully be able to describe or understand. Hallelujah for 2008. Thank you Jesus. 

Bring it on 2009. You’ve got some stiff competition.